The cause for AUTHENTICITY is a call to action to be ourselves. The struggle is real, it is impossible to participate as a genuine person while trying to control what people think of us and fit into what we believe is accepted by the world. How are we to share ourselves, be open, sincere and genuine?…By accepting who we are and acting AUTHENTICALLY according to this self-acceptance.

Here are the A, B, C’s of Authenticity…

You don’t worry ‘bout fittin’ in when you custom made

Exercises:

• List 10-15 personal strengths: Explore your strengths and acknowledge them. The importance of recognizing a problem is as important as recognizing the possible! Our strengths are tools to help us reach our goals! But we cannot be all these things all the time, we’re human and by human nature—limited.
• What do you do best and what would you like to change? Who can be there for you in this change? Identify 5 “limitations” and 1 to 5 other persons in your life who you trust to help you, accept you, and you can depend on to be there for you in your “limitations.”
• Notice: do you change who you are depending on the people and the circumstances? Do you not act on the same set of values and beliefs regardless of who you are with and what they expect? Do you find yourself anxious in these situations, and do you ask yourself why?

  Your experience of the demand or expectation of others may be right on, but is it right that you work so hard to change for them?

  Consider that the answer might not be shape shifting or hustling for love and acceptance…maybe the answer is not to “change yourself,” but instead the answer is to strengthen your relational BOUNDARIES. You need Boundaries to maintain personal Integrity in your Identity…just like you need your skin to protect your innards.

• Share your stories with those you trust. Express your feelings, ask for what you need, and make requests where it is safe, and identify the need for boundaries elsewhere. You are not alone in this thing called life. The struggle to be real is real.

Jessica Ramoska

INTENTIONALITY, simply put—is the personal expression of the relationship between what you think and what you do. Often, we do not do what we think and we think not what we do. In the middle of this confusing phenomena is where we can access the power of intentionality. Intentionality bridges the gap between out desires, beliefs, and actions. Intentionality is the way we make conscious choices.

Here are the A, B, C’s of Intentionality…

Jessica Ramoska

“No man is an island…”

“No man is an island,” is a quote from a poem written almost 400 years ago by John Donne. This quote is just as relevant today as it was almost 400 years ago, as it speaks to the past and the present proclivity of man to isolate, separate, and go alone when in reality we have an innate need for relationship. Why do we go alone? Why hole up on an island? More often than not it is because we are afraid. We fear being hurt, betrayed, rejected, disappointed, taken advantage of, feeling flawed, unlovable, and most of all we fear losing control. We believe maintaining control helps to prevent these unwanted feelings and experiences, but in actuality the false sense of security remains for only a short time. At some point we begin to realize that our need to control is interfering with our other needs, most commonly the need for protection. Our need to protect ourselves from pain often presents itself as protecting or pushing away from others. It can become very lonely living on an island. Isolating, separating, and protecting ourselves from people feels like a safe bet, but it ultimately leaves us susceptible to depression, anxiety, insecurity and deep dissatisfaction.

Our true nature breeds both the need and desire to be connected as human beings—to be known, accepted, and loved. Having the desire for interconnectedness is one thing. Admitting and accepting that we have a need for connection to others is a whole other challenge.

Acknowledging our need for people is a huge step towards opening ourselves up to relationship, to be seen and to be known. Revealing we have a need for others can be terrifying; what if no one wants to meet my need? What if admitting my need is just confessing my weakness so someone can use it against me and hurt me? If I let my guard down will I get hurt? Will I lose myself? These are some examples of the fearful thoughts that easily overcome us and drive us to continue the cycle of self-protection.

We can all present the hard cold facts and reasons as to why our fear of relationships is real and why our self-protection is necessary. What we need to ask ourselves is whether this fear and self-protection is interfering with our current relationships. Do you feel lonely, disconnected, unknown, insecure, dissatisfied, or anxious?

We can detach from these powerful emotions and learn to live freely and independently in the midst of relationship. It is in the midst of relationships where we actually have the opportunity to be our true selves, the true selves that have needs. It is possible to be authentic and be in relationship with others mutually and independently. Let us work through these fears and needs together that we may thrive with one another.

Jessica Ramoska