How to Make Practical Sense of Psychology BuzzWords

INTENTIONALITY, simply put—is the personal expression of the relationship between what you think and what you do. Often, we do not do what we think and we think not what we do. In the middle of this confusing phenomena is where we can access the power of intentionality. Intentionality bridges the gap between out desires, beliefs, and actions. Intentionality is the way we make conscious choices.

Here are the A, B, C’s of Intentionality...

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Jessica Ramoska, MA

How to Kick the Comparison Habit

We have all heard the saying “the grass isn’t always greener”. Then why do we keep peeping over our neighbors’ fence convinced that it must be? We have a compulsion to compare and there are no limits to where we will go. But what does comparison really get us? Does it ever change our circumstances? Does it really motivate us to live a better life?

Here’s the breakdown on how COMPARISON keeps us trapped and how to get out of it FOR GOOD!

We waste a lot of time wishing, hoping and desiring to have something we think we don’t have. We think about money, the home, the kid, the body or the husband and then become convinced that we are without.

This is crucial:

·       We THINK we don’t have what we need.                         

·       We THINK we are lacking

·       We THINK we won’t have enough

·       We THINK we aren’t measuring up.

We think TOO harshly about ourselves TOO much of the time. We are so sure that the person sitting next to us on the bench has it better for A, B and C reasons. This is such an unfair comparison, and we will lose every-time. We can change what we spend time thinking about. IT IS POSSIBLE!

The mind is the battlefield. Our emotions are at war with our perspective and our perspective is at war with reality. If we aren’t practicing awareness, we begin to mindlessly fall into the COMPARISON LOOP. There is another way of living!

We can choose to compare our ever-changing feelings, thoughts and perspective to something that is unchanging- THE TRUTH. It is simplistic but powerful. Here is the truth:

-        You are worthy

-        You are enough

-        You are loveable

-        No one can take value from you (not in what they say or do)

-        You have everything you need

-        Perfection is not real

It takes PRACTICE to change our thinking and we can start multiple times a day. Maybe you can start now…if you could, for just a second, say these words to yourself:

-        I am worthy

-        I am enough

-        I am loveable

-        My value is unconditional

-        I have everything I need

-        I do not need to be perfect

Let your body sit with these words and notice what comes up for you while you voice these thoughts and beliefs. You are opening a door for the truth to come in. Feeling this power within can be uncomfortable at first. That is okay, it takes time to develop self-acceptance.

Practice sitting in your yard and see the grass for what it is. Realize that it is beautiful, carefully planted and uniquely yours!

If you find yourself overwhelmed by the comparison loop, there are great mental and emotional tools that can be learned. Seek out some support from a counselor and they can talk you through some really helpful methods to break the cycle.

Toni Greco, LPC

Acknowledging our Need

“No man is an island...”

“No man is an island,” is a quote from a poem written almost 400 years ago by John Donne. This quote is just as relevant today as it was almost 400 years ago, as it speaks to the past and the present proclivity of man to isolate, separate, and go alone when in reality we have an innate need for relationship. Why do we go alone? Why hole up on an island? More often than not it is because we are afraid. We fear being hurt, betrayed, rejected, disappointed, taken advantage of, feeling flawed, unlovable, and most of all we fear losing control. We believe maintaining control helps to prevent these unwanted feelings and experiences, but in actuality the false sense of security remains for only a short time. At some point we begin to realize that our need to control is interfering with our other needs, most commonly the need for protection. Our need to protect ourselves from pain often presents itself as protecting or pushing away from others. It can become very lonely living on an island. Isolating, separating, and protecting ourselves from people feels like a safe bet, but it ultimately leaves us susceptible to depression, anxiety, insecurity and deep dissatisfaction.

Our true nature breeds both the need and desire to be connected as human beings—to be known, accepted, and loved. Having the desire for interconnectedness is one thing. Admitting and accepting that we have a need for connection to others is a whole other challenge.

Acknowledging our need for people is a huge step towards opening ourselves up to relationship, to be seen and to be known. Revealing we have a need for others can be terrifying; what if no one wants to meet my need? What if admitting my need is just confessing my weakness so someone can use it against me and hurt me? If I let my guard down will I get hurt? Will I lose myself? These are some examples of the fearful thoughts that easily overcome us and drive us to continue the cycle of self-protection.

We can all present the hard cold facts and reasons as to why our fear of relationships is real and why our self-protection is necessary. What we need to ask ourselves is whether this fear and self-protection is interfering with our current relationships. Do you feel lonely, disconnected, unknown, insecure, dissatisfied, or anxious?

We can detach from these powerful emotions and learn to live freely and independently in the midst of relationship. It is in the midst of relationships where we actually have the opportunity to be our true selves, the true selves that have needs. It is possible to be authentic and be in relationship with others mutually and independently. Let us work through these fears and needs together that we may thrive with one another.

 

Jessica Ramoska, MA